So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
