Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
