He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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