Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
