JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
