Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i think my cat just said my name.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
