piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
