omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
