You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
