I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
