bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
