i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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