I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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