He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
