At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
