so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
