Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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