Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
