so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
we should paint friendship bongs
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
