he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
