Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
