Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
