I looked at my own cervix.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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