At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
