i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
