my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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