I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
