Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
