i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Operation Purity has been aborted
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
