I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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