Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
