; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
