No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
