Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
