My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
