I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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