ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
