He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
