I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
