i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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