I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
