A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
