it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
