I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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