Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
false alarm. still invincible.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
