This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
