we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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