you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
