He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
false alarm, still single
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
