And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
