how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
