Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
