Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
