The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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