I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
