worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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