Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Found the puke drawer
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
