Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
